So, you want to hear somethin'?

      3/14/01 - Only three more hours until payday! Finally get my checking account back. It's almost always wiped clean when the next pay period comes around. It's not like I waste my money. Most of the free money I have I try to spend on other people, or spend on trying to make time with them. Going out to eat, buying them a beer. Simple little luxuries that only friends can make worth the three dollars you spend on them. I could care less if someone remembers my birthday, but find me some nondescript Wednesday and offer to buy me McDonald's, and you've just made a happy Dan. Simple as that.

      Well, I've only got one hundred and three days left. That's all. Then I get to start over again. One more time. This time I get to go back to the coast, though. I love the beach. I decided that a last time I was home and went. It's too much fun digging in the sand. I mean, really. Playing like a kid, like Worm said. When I was there last, I dug a hole. I mean a hole. That's it. I tell you what, though, you'd think I was feeble-minded, seeing how happy I was moving sand from one place to another. Just making an absence of dirt in one place surrounded by other dirt on the sides...I was relishing it. If you've ever been to the beach, you know what I'm talking about. I was able to stick my whole leg in it afterwards. That fact alone was worthy of showing off. I remember looking up at passing "adults" and smiling the biggest cheesball grin I could muster. I must have looked so smart. "Look at me! I'm in a hole!" I wonder what did run through their heads...probably something along the lines of, "Poor kid. I wonder if he rides the short bus."

      I've decided that laughing at me is just as good as laughing with me. I could care less, I'm secure in my stupidity. I can deal with someone getting a good belly laugh at me falling on my arse. Granted, if I'm having a bad day, then it's different. Then the pleasure is only for those that know me, so help me I find you laughing at me when I'm not in a good mood. That's rare, though. I mean take when I was in Vegas last...uhh....November. Gary, who tried to get me drunk and failed miserably (poor fool, that was when I was in my prime), got me a good one at the bar attached to the hotel we were staying at. I was in a alright mood, just didn't want to deal with anyone I didn't know. Well, as I walked into the bar (karaoke every night at eight), I went to sit down. Gary, who thought I saw him, got my chair before my ass did. That was quite a funny scene. Everyone who was there said that they felt the table shake, then looked down to where I was (supposed to be) sitting, and saw nothing by my feet above the table. Personally, I woulda laughed my balls off. They all kinda chuckled, afraid I would get up and do something rash. So after I got my ass off the floor, I stood slowly, looked calmly around the table, and threw my hands up in the perfect gymnast's position. Ten point landing. It was only after that everyone really laughed, and I wondered why. It was funny, damnit. Gary, on the other hand, was all apologies. I gave him a quizzical look and told him that there was no need to apologize. He got me, what could I say?

      I mean really. If you ever see me do something stupid, call me on it. Like not being able to walk. I seem to have that problem every now and again...we all do. Some people are just to proud to admit they have no motor control over their feet. If I can't control my stumps, I hope that you would get a chuckle at my expense. Hey, I made your day a little brighter, didn't I? Yeah, don't say you're better than that. I'll be the first to call you a liar, then laugh at you when you trip over that invisible banana peel.

I've got all my old rants catalogued, so if you wanna read some of my old stuff, click HERE to see 'em.