2/21/01 - Well, I learned something very interesting about myself this evening. I love to play games. Not the ones I'm sure you think of, board games and card games, but rather the ones that make you think. The ones you use every day to manipulate the people surrounding you to achieve an end. Me, personally, I don't believe the ends matter. It's all about the pursuit, the chase. If you thrive in that, then the "winning" whatever game you're playing doesn't even matter. I suppose I have learned to love that game, for tonight I showed myself that I actually do. Enough of my life, though. If you have your own, you won't find mine to terribly interesting. You came here to have your mind prodded into thought. I wrote this the other night while I stared at a monochrome screen for 7 hours. Hopefully it does the trick:
How come people cannot let go? The smallest occurrences in life seem to be what warrants a person's attention the most. It seems to me that people have a problem forgetting, letting go. I'll start with my own life, I suppose. I mean, for one thing, the entire happenings of work. There is always some task, no matter how small, that, once amassed with the rest, is the proverbial straw. Or threats of seemingly insignificant duties even outside of work that resemble a crow flying overhead. Not enough to incite action, but just enough to be noticed. Enough to weigh on the mind. There are examples beyond me, of course. Other people's actions and preconditioned responses to certain situations. Ones that are instincts need no explanation, of course: the "fight or flight" response, fear, primal anger. Others, in my view, need not be there.
I understand that on every level, all of our present is dependent on the past. Economies and law established long ago still stand, and most are respected. Education practices are still followed, as are punishment procedures. Scientific discoveries are made and built upon. These major events are not what I refer to. I want to make that clear.
What I mean is the little things. The level where good happenings are quickly forgotten, while even the slightly irritating is cumulativaley added to be blown out of proportion with one small act. Let me give you an example of the good things: holding the door for a passing stranger. Saying "Thank you," for what has come to be expected. Picking up a dropped item for someone. Small acts of kindness are sometimes even construed to be a sign of weakness, as though they are detrimental to one's character. These things are too easily forgotten.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, all too many little things are not allowed to slip from memory. As in an aggressive maneuver (intentional or not) made in traffic. Walking in the "wrong" area of the sidewalk. A poorly timed glance across a crowded bar. People, for some reason, immediately let such a small action proceed directly to the part of the brain that blows things way out of proportion. People fly off the handle at the most inconsequential acts. So you get where you were going half a minute later. You bump someone while walking. Some look was thrown at you unintentionally. Does all the stress in your life really need to be compounded upon by your temper being inflamed over someone's unintentional confrontation? Probably not. Do you need to make that person's day that much longer with your attitude? I think no. It needs no mind, yet still it is given. How come people can't let go?
That was it. I wrote that on Friday, I think. I just want to say now, after reading it, that I am not innocent of this petty crime. I too, have only so much patience with others, and eventually things build up. I just make a conscious effort to avoid blowing up on people that don't deserve it. Know if I'm mad at you, you do deserve it.
Hey, if you wanna bullshit with me, e-mail me, or you can just go back to my homepage HERE.