So, you want to hear somethin'?

      5/5/01 - I think I left my ambition in one of the beer bottles I threw out yesterday. Or this morning, I think it was, actually. I have no desire to do anything. I mean anything. Right now I'm sorting through my Roledex trying to find someone to come over and feed me. Maybe even move my mouth in little chewing motions, while they're at it. I kind of doubt that I'm going to find anyone, though. Let's see here, inventory time. Brain deflated, check. Motor skills lacking, check. Joints shot, check. Jaw slack, check. I'm just doing my best at the moment to not drool all over myself.

      I woke up today and it took me about half an hour to realize that I was actually awake. Got up and stumbled a little. Ok, a lot. Almost ate my computer screen. That would not have made for a good breakfast. Not like I could eat, even if I wanted to. Stomach was doing the equivalent of a double backflip with a one and a half twist. Erf. I managed to find my way to a seat, and my head was throbbing from the effort of walking the three feet it took to get there. I don't know how this happened, but I've got a whole CD of nothing but porn sitting on my computer. Oh, and another one of music. I remember collecting them before I shuffled back to my room at like two or something. Hmph. It's all good, the more tunes and naked women in my life, the better. Disappointing though, after I slid the CD in my 'puter. The porn one, that is. The music is all good stuff. Got the new Staind album. Badass. Got some more Soul Coughing, and some stuff I had that was all edited. Not no more, though.

      Well, as though that wasn't enough, I also happen to have a six pack of mismatched beer just kinda sitting there in my fridge. There's only five in there. Just staring at me like some lame child that's been ignored. All Leinenkugel's, in case you're curious. Wikki decided last night that he was done drinking for a while, so he was going to give away all his beer. "Funny," I recall saying, "I'm in the mood to get drunk." Right after that the night kinda blends into one big memory of talking and laughing. I remember everything, it's never been a problem for me. It's just all out of order, like the clock stopped working, so my brain quit filing things in order. Got one big clusterfuck of memory flashes, all piled one on top of another. Let's see here...movies. I remember that much. Watched some flick called The Yards. No, I'd never heard of it, either. It's pretty badass, though. Whole lotta brand names in it, I recall. I don't know many names, so I'll do the best I can. Mark Wahlburg I know, even though it's probably spelled wrong. Then there was the bagman from Way of the Gun, and that chick who played Keanu Reeves' wife in Devil's Advocate. Oh, and the bad guy from Gladiator was in it, too. Was actually a really badass flick, too. Then we started Nowhere to Hide, which was annoying in the first two minutes, so it got ejected. Then Wikki decided that neither of us had seen any good cheesy movies in a while, so we watched Ancient Curse: Scream of the Mummy. That movie sucked. Not even made for TV, made for trash. It was horrible. So we laughed at it, like anyone should who sees it. Come to think of it, the mummy didn't even scream. What a crock.

      Well, Wikki ended up going to bed, and me and Phil ended up bullshiting the rest of the night away. It happens, another night wasted, just the way I like 'em. I'm paying for it now, though. I think I'll be better when I get some food in me. Help to absorb the pain. I'm just waiting for mary to get her ass outta the shower and it's Denny's time. Nothing helps a hangover like greasy bad-for-you food. Rock on, I say. It's a wonder they don't serve heart attacks on the menu there. I mean the meat lover's skillet they serve has something like 2700 calories in it. No, I'm not joking about that, that's the count on it. Might have to have one of those, now that I think about it.

I've got all my old rants catalogued, so if you wanna read some of my old stuff, click HERE to see 'em.